Wednesday, July 22, 2009

The Method Behind the Madness

You know it's been a hectic week when I whip out my secret weapon.

Which is this:

I go through and make a list of every major ingredient we have in the house. This means things like bisquick, tomatoes, marmalade, etc. This does not include things like salt, breadcrumbs, and other piffling little details. I then take a long, hard look at my life - er, the list, and match things up to form recipes. This is how I wring out the last semblance of a meal from unlikely ingredients. I hate to have extra food sitting around that I know I will never use. For instance, here is this week's list:

-Baking ingredients: flour, bisquick, sugar, vanilla, heavy cream - only 2 eggs though!
-Main dish potentials: pasta and sauce, fake hamburger, box mashed potatoes, spanish rice
-Condiments: mayonnaise, mustard, soy sauce, hot sauce
-Produce: 1/4 tomato, 2 green peppers, some v. old apples/oranges
-Canned: refried beans, peaches, chickpeas
-Snacks: pickles, granola, individually wrapped cheese
-Junk food: popsicles, chocolate lollipops

No, I didn't forget to write down bread or milk. We just don't have them. The Good Lord help us.

I have many intriguing photos to share, but sadly, I need to use up the film in my camera before I can do so. Toodle-oo.

p.s. Just walked out into the kitchen and found an empty pot of frosting with a spoon atop it. Has my man really sunk that low? Tune in next week to find out.

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Homemade Pasta

OK, so I tried an experiment today, but no pics. I stole a recipe for homemade pasta from The Pioneer Woman, a.k.a. Ree Drummond, a.k.a. the most hilarious woman in the world. She used two eggs per cup of flour. So I kneaded the dough until it was smooth, then cut it into thin strips with a knife. The recipe said to boil the noodles for no longer than two minutes, but I found that they were still far too hard until about eight minutes in.

I didn't take any pictures, mostly because the noodles were freakin' ugly, man, but also because I was hungry. They were pretty good, but I'll be perfectly honest - they weren't much better than regular old dried, boxed pasta. I think their texture was a little more pleasing to the mouth, but that's about it.

THIS JUST IN: I have bought measuring cups, I repeat, IN POSSESSION OF MEASURING CUPS. Life is good.

Saturday, July 18, 2009

This WILL make you pee laughing. Embrace it.

p.s. Has anyone ever heard of this canned frosting on saltines thing? Apparently it's a popular snack... as in more than one person has tried it. And liked it. Let me clear something up right now: These people are deranged. I had some frosting left over from making cupcakes (more on those later) so I tried it... it was every bit as unpleasant as I had anticipated. Good day.

Thursday, July 16, 2009

A Thought

Update on my weird life - Half an hour ago I ate:
-giant taco with fake meat, slice of cheese, salsa, fried egg, green peppers
-granola bar
-second granola bar

and my stomach is ROARING. Inexplicably.

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Biscuits for College Students

Me: "Did you KNOW that you can make biscuits using nothing but Bisquick and milk? Isn't that CRAZY?!"
Sean: "...That's why they call it Bisquick."
Me: "...I can honestly say I never put that together."
So apparently, Bisquick is intended for biscuits, not pancakes. I never knew. Shockingly, they're, like, good, even. I swear to God Amighty that sentence is punctuated correctly.

So obviously you could just look on the side of the Bisquick box, but just for shits and giggles, here's the recipe: 1.5 cups Bisquick for every .5 cup milk. Preferably buttermilk. Pronounced "buttahmilk". (Makes it taste bettah.)
Tales from the Ghetto: I don't own a baking pan. I baked these in a muffin tin. I also ran out of color film and didn't have money for more, so enjoy these black and white photos of my biscuits and pretend they're all golden with crinkly brown edges.

Friday, July 10, 2009

Farmer's Market Goodness!

Just a couple of humble photographs from my local Allentown farmer's market. Look! Jam! Lots of it! I buy honey from this stand, usually - the thick, rich, brown variety. Then I use it when I get desperate. (See below.)

And look! Big, juicy red tomatoes! I bought these. (Not all of them. Though I should have.)

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Chocolate Banana Muffins

I figured muffins would be an appropriate first post, since they are my favorite food. (And I wonder why I am plagued by Ghetto Booty.) These beauties were adapted from a recipe I found at FUN FACT: I was halfway through making them when I realized I had no sugar. I used an entire jar of honey instead. I honestly think it made them better. They were so fluffy I wanted to cuddle with them. But I would have gotten warm chocolate ganache all over me. Oh, the tragedy.

Chocolate Banana Muffins:

-3 large bananas, mashed
-1/2 cup white sugar (...or honey.)
-1 egg
-1/3 cup melted butter
-1 teaspoon baking soda
-1 teaspoon baking powder
-1/2 teaspoon salt
-1 & 1/2 cups flour

Dark Chocolate Ganache:
-1 bag dark chocolate chips (preferably Ghirardelli. Go for the good stuff.)
-heavy cream

In a large mixing bowl, mix the dry ingredients (sugar, baking soda, baking powder, salt, flour) and the banana until homogenous. Add in the melted butter and egg. Stir, but not too much! There should still be visible chunks of banana*. Pour into buttered** muffin tins and baked at 350 for 20 minutes.***

While the muffins are baking, heat the chocolate over a double boiler. Every few minutes as you stir, add a dash of heavy cream. This will help the chocolate melt more easily. Keep stirring and adding cream until the mixture is the consistency of, say, elmer's glue. Or ganache. Then turn off the stove so that later, while you're lying in bed, you don't wake up realizing that you've left it on. Take the muffins out of the oven (presuming that they're done) and drizzle the ganache over them. Then hoarde them from your fiance, cackling with sticky, chocolate-covered glee.

**Or Pam-ed, if that's your poison
***Or, if your oven is 321975321897 years old like mine, 25 minutes.